Cancer is a Six Letter Word

According to Webster's online dictionary (cause who has a real dictionary in their house anymore), cancer is defined as "the disease caused by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body".  Oh, is that all?  I find it interesting that the definition doesn't make it sound so bad.  It almost sounds like you just need a round of antibiotics.  Clear that cancer right up!  I think of my sweet friends who have family members struggling with cancer.  My Grandmother and my brother both had cancer years ago, and thankfully they were healed.  And then there's my Daddy.....

I was getting coffee at OnCue a few months ago when my Mom called me.  My Dad is diabetic so he has regular checkups to monitor his blood sugar, but this time the doctor thought things looked a bit odd.  Tests, another test, and then some more tests told us what we didn't want to know.  My Dad has cancer.  It took 20 minutes sitting in the OnCue parking lot before I was calm enough to drive home.  

My Dad started seeing an oncologist (and having more tests) right away.  And my brain.....oh, my brain.  Have you noticed how your brain tries to play out every worst scenario you can think of?  All at the same time...at 3am...and tries to keep you from listening to the Creator.  And then you get the news you've been hiding from.....

*neuroendocrine tumors

*extensive 

*fast growing

*Stage 4 (excuse me while I vomit)

*high doses of chemotherapy

WHAT?  Or better yet, to quote a wonderful group of ladies I know.....what the ham sandwich?

How did this happen?  My Dad isn't a smoker or a drinker.  He's the guy that took me to see JAWS in 3D.  He's the one that let me watch musicals and Christopher Lee vampire movies on PBS (thanks Dad!).  He bought Dr Seuss books and encyclopedias for me.  Remember encyclopedia salesmen?!?! He taught me how to chance a tire so I wouldn't be laying in a ditch somewhere.  He worked countless HARD hours for the railroad to take care of us.  He helped put me through college.  

And he walked me down the aisle to meet my husband.

So here we are.....in the land of malignant tumors and chemotherapy.  But there are things to be grateful for.  We're grateful for a steady appetite and no weight loss.  No vomiting.  He's tired and has lost some hair, but the chemo isn't making him miserable.  He's been through several months of chemo and while the tumor hasn't shrunk, is hasn't grown larger either.  I'm also grateful that my Dad knows Jesus as his Savior.  I'm grateful for that more than anything else.  He's fighting this six letter word and doing a great job of it!  I'm reminded that nothing we go through is anything our Lord didn't suffer.  I'm reminded that nothing happens in this world that He doesn't know about.  He knows my Dad's name and my Dad knows His.  

I'll keep you updated through my blog.  It's been too long since I've taken time to write and let me tell ya.....do I have some teaching stories for you later!  Say a prayer for those that are battling right now. It's frightening and takes a toll on families.  Thanks for spending time with me loves.....

XoXo

Jules

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Sunday.....

I had the privilege of hearing Dr Gordon Fort preach this past Sunday at my church.  Dr. Fort was born to missionaries in Zimbabwe, and shared a message on a Sunday that focused on world missions.  What a great service!  Beautiful music from our choir...prayer...Dr. Fort speaking.  Wonderful message.  And then it happened.....

Dr. Fort told us the story of his first time preaching the gospel when he was 16 years old.  He told us how terrible he was, and how he couldn't wait for the invitation to be over.  We're all smiling, imagining this picture.  And then he shares with us what happened during the invitation.  An elderly woman, paralyzed from the waist down and laying at the back of the church, used her arms and crawled down the aisle because she felt the Spirit talking to her.  My smile quickly disappeared, and I couldn't breathe.  She crawled down the aisle to meet her Savior.  I felt that a mirror was placed in front of me, and reflected how shallow, conceited, and ungrateful I am.  How self-centered and spoiled I am.  How undeserving and clueless I am.  Dr. Fort reminded us that God's arm is not too short, and His ear is not deaf.  He spoke to this woman.....and she responded to Him.

He then shared the story of another elderly woman who was dying, but still coherent.  This woman heard about Jesus Christ for the first time about 3 hours before she died.  Three hours.  What if Dr. Fort hadn't gotten there in time?  This woman received Jesus Christ as Savior mere hours before death.

I'm reminded of Someone Else who crawled.  The Creator of the Universe, the King of Kings, the Great I Am, the Lord Most High, the Lamb, the Savior of the World.....Jesus Christ voluntarily entered this world.  This dark, cold, lost world.  For me.  And you.  He allowed Himself to be beaten, falsely accused, and crucified.  Because He loves me.  And you.  He crawled for me.  He took upon Himself punishment that was mine, because He knew I needed someone to save me.  And He was the only one who's blood was pure.

He reminded me Sunday that every soul on this planet was created by Him, and is loved by Him.  He reminded me that I frequently lose sight of what's important.  The end goal.  The end goal is every person hearing the Good News of Jesus Christ.  He gives us the same instructions He gave the 12.....Go and Tell.  I heard Mercy Me's song Goodbye Self on the radio today, and the words couldn't be more true....."Life is apparently not about me anyway".  This journey isn't about me.  It's about Him.  It's about how He loves someone as selfish, unworthy, and sinful as me.  It's about how He loves me so much that He crawled for me.

May I never forget the story of an elderly woman, paralyzed, crawling down an aisle to the arms of the One who created her.  Who loves her.  But most importantly, may I never forget or take for granted the Story of the One who was born of a virgin, was sinless, and gave Himself willingly for me.  And you.

Women: part two

As most of you know, I started graduate school almost two years ago.  I'm taking the slow path with one or two classes a semester, but the path has definitely been scenic.  I've met new friends, developed more confidence, and learned so much.  My advisor emailed me three weeks ago and asked if I would be available to teach a Program Planning & Advocacy class to undergrads this semester.  So after rescheduling a few things in my week (thank you Kyla!) I jumped in with both feet.  I'm now teaching 17 young ladies who are Seniors in the Early Childhood program.

Our first class together was absolutely nerve wracking!  I didn't know if I should cry or throw up, I was a mess.  I texted Brett before we started and told him "they're all staring at me!"  My love's response:  "well duh, you're the teacher!"  He knows me.  :) We started with introductions and questions, and have been slowly building our relationship.  Did I mention that they are fabulous?  I look at them and see what my instructors probably saw when they looked at my class 20 years ago.  They're intelligent, thoughtful, funny, YOUNG, nervous about entering the education career, but eager at the same time.  They have a passion for working with children and several of them want to serve children by joining law school, the Peace Corps, and becoming advocates in the community.  They're beautiful. 

 I'm so blessed to have the opportunity to work with these young women.  We spend a lot of our time in group discussion and they raise great questions about their future as teachers.  We had a semi heated discussion about State Superintendent yesterday.  :) I look at their faces and think "ok, we're putting our children in capable, caring hands.  Now let's make sure we support these ladies with what they need."  

I'm learning so much from them.  Probably more than they will learn from me.  I can't wait to see what they accomplish in their career, knowing they have one of the most difficult jobs in the world.

xoxo

Women: part one

I decided to start blogging again for several reasons.  First, I love to write and I learned in class last semester that good writing comes from a lot of writing.  Second, it's one way I organize my thoughts and ideas.  Lastly, writing just makes me happy.

I also turned 41 this year.  I'm not sure what I thought 41 would feel like.  Oddly enough, it doesn't feel a lot different that 35, 37, or 40.  But I have been thinking about what kind of woman I have been in the past, what kind of woman I am now, and the kind of woman I want to be in the future.

Early Thursday morning I had a dream about my Grandma Annie.  In my dream we were talking and she was cutting paper dolls out of newspapers for me.....like she always did.  Her face was so clear in my dream.  Like she was really there.  Upon waking, it took me several seconds to remember where I was.  I realized later in the day that I have been unbelievably blessed to be surrounded by strong, amazing women in my life.  My mother Barbara is the most influential woman in my life.  So many of my earliest memories involve her and I am so grateful that God gave her to me.  Or me to her.....however you look at it.  :)  I then think of the other women I've been surrounded by:  my Grandmothers Mae and Annie, my mother-in-law Ginger, Gano, Tammy, Laura, Lissa, Mel.  Each of these women have loved me at my best and my worst.  Each of these women have taught me something different.  Each of these women are strong, loyal, loving, HILARIOUS, and hold a special place for me.  But these aren't the only ones.....

The one who has faced brain surgery with humor, fierceness, and a continued love of life that is astounding.

The one who is facing fertility head-on with grace, faith, beauty, and strength.

The one who lost her father last year, but carries on daily with humor and love.

The one who lost her husband and son in a drunk driving crash, but gets up every day.

The one who faces heart disease every day when she wakes, but doesn't quit.

At times, I was annoyed at being a woman.  Of course, that's mainly because I would love to have been a safety for the 49ers like Ronnie Lott!  :)  I see now that it's a privilege and a blessing to be a woman.  Is it frustrating?  At times.  Is it hard work?  Good grief, yes.  Is it wonderful?  Yes.  I realize that strong women raise strong women.  Just as young men need strong, positive male role models, young women need faithful, strong, kind, loving, fierce, determined women in their lives.

I'm incredibly grateful for the women in my life:  past, present, and future.  For me the ultimate goal is to be the woman my God created me to be.  I think of the precious faces in my Sunday School class and center, and I am beginning to understand that He made me a woman for a reason.  I may not understand it at times, but He does.

He's driving.....I just need to get in the car.

xoxo